I’m sorry I’ve been so terrible at offering you all support, I’m just so exhausted at the moment. I promise I will reply soon.
Intake today: a banana.
I had an amazing night on Friday, aided by copious amounts of mdma, ket, vodka and red stripes. I had only eaten a small bag of pretzels that day and got personally told to go home by the d.j at 8 in the morning. Couldn’t eat on Saturday thanks to a horrific comedown and by Sunday I could barely get out of bed, which is scary when I’m not living at home and can’t beg my mum to bring me up an apple. I almost fainted when I finally stood up, it was horrible.
I’ve become weary I guess. It just feels like before recovery I was promised this amazing life as soon as I started eating again, this promise was never fulfilled. I was even more miserable, because on top of my depression I had to deal with food 3 times a day and my growing insecurities with my growing size. I know that means I never fully recovered, but I just don’t think I’m ready yet. How the fuck else do I cope?
A couple of vain shots. God I have so much weight to re-lose.
Shopping list this week, I have a sweet tooth lately which is odd for me:
4 green apples
A pack of bananas
2 tropical fruit salads
3 raspberry fat free yogurts
Seasame rice cakes
Minestrone cup a soup
Lentil cup a soup
3 tins of weight watchers tuna in a tomato and herb dressing (absolutely DELICIOUS, may i add!)
Thats to last me 10 days. Pathetic, huh?