Ok, so I’ve weighed myself about 8 times today, but aside from the craziness, I’ve done okay.

We went out to our local pub for Christmas lunch, I didn’t really feel comfortable eating with all my sisters and stuff there so I had half a bread roll and a handful of green beans, but I ate lots of chocolate, a sandwich for dinner and a few apple cinnamon scones in the morning so I feel like a bloody pig! But thats allowed on Christmas, right?

I got loads of nice clothes too, I was freaking out last night they would all be too small for me but they fit ok. My mum bought me a few size 10 things which promptly upset me because I am a size 6/8, but she said that she thought I preferred my clothes to be baggy, and I can’t deny that she’s right about that.

I feel…I don’t know. Not Christmassy. I find it difficult because I feel so disconnected from my other 3 sisters. Me and my mum are close, but I’ve barely spoken a word to my sisters all day. They’re all so loud and hyper, and it saddens me because I used to be like that too. Its like I’ve lost my spark, I don’t have the energy to be fun anymore.

I guess I just have the holiday blues. In fact, I have the everyday blues. I’ve never been a particularly emotional person but I just keep breaking down in tears, almost every single fucking day. I guess its called depression, but I call it cabin fever. Usually on Christmas I’d go over to Lauren’s in the evening, we’d all get drunk with her older brother and his friends and play poker (last year I won, even know I had no idea what the fuck I was doing and completely fluked it…much to the boy’s displeasure!) but tonight I feel…lonely. I can hear my sisters laughing and joking and I’m just sat in this room with nothing to say.

I hope you all had a happy, carefree christmas x x x