I actually bought good presents this year, I am so proud of myself! Christmas day is usually spent around the tree, me cringing behind my hands as my sister opens up the half-price last minute purchase I got her because I spent the rest of my money on being festively completely-fucking-trashed. But seeing as I’ve spent the whole Winter locked up in this house, I managed to save around 600 quid and spent it all on good presents, with Jamie’s help. We walked around Covent Garden at 8pm, with the Christmas lights and buskers singing Christmas carols and stalls selling roasted chestnuts, it was so nice. Then we went out for Chinese food, which I haven’t had in a very long time, and I had seasame prawn toast and noodles. I couldn’t finish it but it was so yummy I actually got the leftovers in a doggie bag, I couldn’t bear to see delicious food go to waste, which is new to me!

I especially wanted to buy my mum a good present, because she has dealt with all the crap I’ve put her through this year amazingly well. I got her a dressing gown from Cath Kidston for about ?0 and I’m going to make her a collage tonight, because I can’t sleep.

Jamie went home today, I won’t see him until after Christmas now. A few days ago, we were exhausted having been in up since seven in the morning having gone to sleep at five, and we were having an afternoon nap, all snuggled up in my bed. We were both half asleep, he was holding me in his arms, my legs all curled up over him, and he cuddled up closer to me and said something that made me so happy

‘Lets get married some day’.

God, I was grinning. Thankfully I managed to semi-keep my cool as the light wasn’t on. But I think the kisses I showered him with were a slight giveaway, perhaps.

2008 is going to be a better year for me. I think when I look back on 2007, I will see it as a kind of climax, my mental health having deteriorated up until then. I broke up with Dave, met Jamie, started cutting myself again, developed anorexia, took an overdose in April and was admitted into the Priory under suicide watch, got out, starved myself even more, got admitted into another Priory in October for my eating disorder, got out and here I fucking am.

New Years Resolution? Try and stay out of rehab, maybe?!

At a Christmas party this time last year, when I used to be somewhat fun and loved partying. If only I had known the year I had ahead of me, that would have definitely wiped that smug look off my face.

In some ways I feel glad that I’ve been put through so much shit, because I am not so much of an obnoxious little bitch as I used to be. I’m not perfect, but definitely not as stupid.