99 lbs.


Sorry I haven’t commented at all, I’ve been so busy trying to pack for moving to Sussex. I can’t believe I’m not going to be a Londoner anymore – no longer am I going to be woken up to the sound of drunk people and trains, but sheep and tractors! I am really excited though, we have 23 acres of land, a swimming pool and stables so I’m going to be getting a lot of exercise, maybe even increase my calories a little bit. But I’ll try and find the time to comment later.


I haven’t eaten since Tuesday. I’m meeting Sophie and Harriet for a drink tonight (but I’m not drinking – I refuse to consume empty calories these days) so I’m going to eat a bowl of spaghetti hoops (109 cals) before I go, so I don’t fucking pass out.


Bikini shot. Look at my ASS, oh my god I wish I realised those bikini bottoms were too small before I went out in public, I feel sorry for everyone who had to bloody witness that. Thankfully I’ve lost 3 pounds since then –


I need to break up with Jamie, I know I need to. I have taken the same crap off him since Janurary and its just gone on too long now. Like today, for example, I was supposed to stay with him tonight seeing as my mum wants me out of the house for the movers coming over to mine tomorrow. But no, he turns his phone off, takes the ringer off his house phone and won’t reply to any of my e-mails. And this isn’t the first time, I hate the way he acts but I just can’t stay mad at him because I love him.

He must find it fucking hilarious.


98 lbs. BMI = 16.8

I ate four spoonfuls of spaghetti hoops but then I got freaked out.

I ate an apple instead.

I didn’t even meet Sophie and Harriet in the end. This hunger traps me, I’m too weak to go out, too scared that I’ll drink, too consumed by the constant counting of calories buzzing in my head to hold a decent conversation with anyone who doesn’t share my obsession.

I’m not in control at all. I’m a prisoner.



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5 responses to “

  1. Anonymous

    i flip the fuck out when i gain weight.omg! i cry and get mad.but then i run or something and that calms me down a little bit.i know how you feel about not being in control.i’ve felt like that for the past year and a half.xoxo.

  2. ok, yeah it probably isn’t worth it. just wanted some opinions though.thanks :]

  3. Anonymous

    i feel awful too but i really want to look much better…
    thats all i live for.
    i am sorry if i sounded mean toward her but i didnt mean it. i respect her because she has been going through lots of things lately…
    im desperate and i dont feel good. school sucks( bcause of bullies), i hate it here and i hate all the fake pole who are my “friends” as they call themselves… so please …. im sorry but i have no on here that understands the wya i feel… im not sying im the only one who has problems in life… its just tht i dont have anyone to talk to…

  4. Hello dear, Thanks for your comment.Also, thanks for your suggestion– I’ve never thought of that before. I’m definitely going to do that.Stay strong dear.xoxo

  5. I hope everything goes well moving.  You will probably like the country.  Some people say it’s boring, but they just don’t know how to have fun without modern ammenities!  And the country has a peacefulness the city lacks.  My, I’d absolutely love to have 23 acres, a pool, and stables!  You are very fortunate.  I have a 20 by 15 cheap hotel room, that’s it. 
    Don’t worry about not commenting, dear.  And I don’t think your butt looks big or awful at all, by the way.  (Tiny, actually.)  I hope you find strength with the Jamie situation, you deserve better.  Please take care, as best you can…

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