Sorry I haven’t commented at all, I’ve been so busy trying to pack for moving to Sussex. I can’t believe I’m not going to be a Londoner anymore – no longer am I going to be woken up to the sound of drunk people and trains, but sheep and tractors! I am really excited though, we have 23 acres of land, a swimming pool and stables so I’m going to be getting a lot of exercise, maybe even increase my calories a little bit. But I’ll try and find the time to comment later.
I haven’t eaten since Tuesday. I’m meeting Sophie and Harriet for a drink tonight (but I’m not drinking – I refuse to consume empty calories these days) so I’m going to eat a bowl of spaghetti hoops (109 cals) before I go, so I don’t fucking pass out.
Bikini shot. Look at my ASS, oh my god I wish I realised those bikini bottoms were too small before I went out in public, I feel sorry for everyone who had to bloody witness that. Thankfully I’ve lost 3 pounds since then –
I need to break up with Jamie, I know I need to. I have taken the same crap off him since Janurary and its just gone on too long now. Like today, for example, I was supposed to stay with him tonight seeing as my mum wants me out of the house for the movers coming over to mine tomorrow. But no, he turns his phone off, takes the ringer off his house phone and won’t reply to any of my e-mails. And this isn’t the first time, I hate the way he acts but I just can’t stay mad at him because I love him.
He must find it fucking hilarious.
98 lbs. BMI = 16.8
I ate four spoonfuls of spaghetti hoops but then I got freaked out.
I ate an apple instead.
I didn’t even meet Sophie and Harriet in the end. This hunger traps me, I’m too weak to go out, too scared that I’ll drink, too consumed by the constant counting of calories buzzing in my head to hold a decent conversation with anyone who doesn’t share my obsession.
I’m not in control at all. I’m a prisoner.