Too Much Time on my Hands?

I’ve mistakenly fasted for about 38 hours now, not on purpose, just because I’m not that hungry. I’m going to eat a bit tonight, because through several trial and errors I’ve finally learnt that drinking on an empty stomach leads to vomiting. I have to go to my old friend Georgia’s house for her birthday, unfortunately I hate all her new friends because they’re pretentious cunts, and I have a feeling they don’t like me either. I’ll just have to grin, bear it and swallow down the vodka.

I think I’ve lost the water weight from Friday night’s binge and I’m back down to 102 pounds. I’ve missed my scales, I’ve felt a lot less anxious since buying new ones.

I spoke to Jamie last night, which just made me miss him more. I also think I’m suffering from chronic boredom. I keep just waiting for Canada to happen, but I have a feeling its just going to get worse, I can’t even get high there and the smoking age is 19.

I’ve decided that I don’t want to have disordered eating, I hate lying and I hate feeling weak. But whilst I’m in London, I’m going to keep on doing this. I’m going to use Canada as a chance to try and get back into normal habits, if this turns out to not be possible, thats when I’m going to start to get worried. Currently, its just a choice. I think, if anything, I just don’t want to gain the weight that I’ve lost already, I want to find a way to maintain my current weight without gaining a single pound. And this may sound absolutely ridiculous, but I feel that the only way I can do this is losing a few extra pounds first.

 

I’m not that dumb, am i?

102 isn’t my natural weight. I’m scared that if I start eating properly, my body will return to how its supposed to be. Normal.

Anyway, who doesn’t have disordered eating these days? Everyone tries to starve themselves at one point or another, some are just more ‘successful’ than others. No one I know eats a full breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday and everyone I know has an issue with their body. Its sad, really, because I know no one fat or ugly. Grass is always greener, I suppose.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Too Much Time on my Hands?

  1. aw thank you! i saw your pictures from the posts below and you are so gorgeous!!
    and i agree.. its really hard not to have disordered eating.. either people eat too much or in our case, not enough..i’m surprised i made it from my ED to disordered eating..
    but anyways i hope you stay healthy and happy =)
    ps-mind if i subscribe?

  2. Hi šŸ™‚ I just wanted to pop by here, I’m on a quest to make new friends! Anyways, I just really love your name JustPeachyThanks because it’s something I always say. I feel it’s a statement that’s really not here nor there, so it’s just one statement. Everyone always smiles when I say it, go figure. Anyways, I just wanted to say hi ;]xoxo, Maleka

  3. i know! i was at the mall a few weeks ago with a friend and we sat down in the food court and theres these two girls (no older than 13/14ish) and they were sharing a salad..and one of them goes: “omgosh. i had like, 300 calories today..nicole richie would not have 300 calories.”
    i was just like … !!!! wtf is happening to the world? it’s horrible..

  4. Hey hey:)about hungover I just can’t understand why after having good time you always have to suffer so much why oh why?? anyway are you in lonodon now? i miss london so much..and you look great for me:)and I agree everybody has a problem with food now I wish i was the normal one:) anyway thanks for stopping by:)bye

  5. Anonymous

    Thank you for the comment.I’m sorry the party wasn’t so great. Sounds like you made the best out of it though. =) I’d hate to get a comment like that from a friend I guess, and at the same time I’d totally love it. Does that make sense? Anyways, your weight sounds amazing. How tall are you?And you are eating SO little. Take care, please!Stay strong ā¤

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