So I discovered she’s a ‘wannarexic’ a few hours ago. I also discovered that she hates me. This was news to me, I always thought we were close. Ignorance was truly bliss.
I’m not anorexic. I eat too much to be anorexic. And I do not want to be anorexic. I also don’t want girls leaving comments telling me to ‘stay strong’. Because thats bullshit. But I’d say I’m definately EDNOS. It feels like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle. I restrict for 2-3 days then go on an epic binge, sometimes I purposely starve myself to a low weight so I have the excuse to eat alot and gain a few pounds.
Only having written that, do I realise how fucked up it is.
So yeah, I tried out the whole anorexia thing when I was fifteen/sixteen. Didn’t work out, eventually this time last year I was 118 pounds. Around Janurary, I broke up with my boyfriend and began restricting again. I now fluctuate between 100 – 105 pounds. Following a huge binge last night, I weigh 104. I don’t even care about how I look that much, I just love feeling empty.
But I’m not pretty enough to have extra fat. My sister may seem to think that I am thinner than her, but she is definately a million times prettier.
So here is a before/after
June last year at 118. Yum.
Me in April at 107
Last week, around 103.
So I don’t like food; you get the gist.
Today I’m leaving my stomach empty, in a last ditch attempt to redeem last night’s binge.
Lies I’ve told today:
1. I went shopping to buy Georgia a present
(I went shopping to buy myself some scales)
2. I’m going out for dinner with Dave and his family
(I’m meeting Dave after his dinner and going for a drink)
You know, for me, thats not all that bad.
You fucking idiot Lucille. Generally ‘hiding’ means not leaving footprints.
The Simpsons movie was incredible.
I drank 1 gin and tonic.
I weigh 103 pounds. With jeans on.