Back. In Hiding.

 Well, my younger sister left her footprints on my old site. The world is frustratingly small. Probably 100000 Xanga members and the girl who sleeps in the room next to me finds mine.

So I discovered she’s a ‘wannarexic’ a few hours ago. I also discovered that she hates me. This was news to me, I always thought we were close. Ignorance was truly bliss.

I’m not anorexic. I eat too much to be anorexic. And I do not want to be anorexic. I also don’t want girls leaving comments telling me to ‘stay strong’. Because thats bullshit. But I’d say I’m definately EDNOS. It feels like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle. I restrict for 2-3 days then go on an epic binge, sometimes I purposely starve myself to a low weight so I have the excuse to eat alot and gain a few pounds.

Only having written that, do I realise how fucked up it is.

So yeah, I tried out the whole anorexia thing when I was fifteen/sixteen. Didn’t work out, eventually this time last year I was 118 pounds. Around Janurary, I broke up with my boyfriend and began restricting again. I now fluctuate between 100 – 105 pounds. Following a huge binge last night, I weigh 104. I don’t even care about how I look that much, I just love feeling empty.

But I’m not pretty enough to have extra fat. My sister may seem to think that I am thinner than her, but she is definately a million times prettier.

So here is a before/after

June last year at 118. Yum.

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Me in April at 107

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Last week, around 103.

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So I don’t like food; you get the gist.

Today I’m leaving my stomach empty, in a last ditch attempt to redeem last night’s binge.

Lies I’ve told today:

1. I went shopping to buy Georgia a present

     (I went shopping to buy myself some scales)

2. I’m going out for dinner with Dave and his family

    (I’m meeting Dave after his dinner and going for a drink)

You know, for me, thats not all that bad.

 

*edit*

 

You fucking idiot Lucille. Generally ‘hiding’ means not leaving footprints.

The Simpsons movie was incredible.

I drank 1 gin and tonic.

I weigh 103 pounds. With jeans on.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Back. In Hiding.

  1. Thanks for the comment….glad someone agrees with me 🙂
    I guess your sister is a prime example of what I was talking about.
    take care.

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